Ho ho ho it’s that time again! Time to dig out the funnies or the weirds in the world of personal finance for this week. Hopefully your Monday hasn’t kicked off too badly but if you’re in need of a smile or at least a smirk, then you could do worse than chuckle at some of this week’s craziness.

LONDON – Payday loans are simply a ‘misunderstood‘ product. A survey by the Consumer Finance Association says 93% of customers think payday lenders treat them with dignity and respect, yet only 5% of policy makers think that’s the case. It’s telling that the survey only focused on one out of over 200 payday lending companies, and all of those surveyed were customers of it.

VANCOUVER – The Avengers cartoon superheroes will soon be teaching kids about budgeting, banking and other money skills. Visa and Marvel Entertainment have teamed to launch an Avengers comic book to teach kids financial literacy. The comic, which includes Spider-Man, Hulk and others, comes with a teacher’s guide and worksheet and is available to the public free at practicalmoneyskills.ca.

IRELAND - As if life couldn’t get any worse, Irish prisoners are having their pocket money cut to ‘encourage good behaviour and save money’. Personally, I’m not sure that idea will work quite as intended…

ENGLAND – Not so much funny as blood-boilingly infuriating. The Post Office (savings account provider) loses £10,400 of customer’s money for 33 days. Blames customer for the institutional and procedural error. Result? A measly £100 compensation, the cost of a box of chocolates for the harassment the customer gave their own bank when The Post Office blamed them initially, and the lost interest.

The moral of the last 2? No matter how bad your day is going…. someone else is having a worse one!

Happy Monday everyone!

p.s. if you were wondering – the picture is unrelated to anything in this post!

Go on. Admit it. You’ve dreamed at least once of what you’d do if you won the National Lottery.

I got thinking last night (again – Drew @ObjectiveWealth’s fault) of what I’d do, and thought for a change I’d write my musing down as I went.

I’ve won £10,498,320.29! Woo! Let’s see what I’d spend it on!

1. Pay Off Close Family Mortgages

My first selfless act. I know that nearly all of my family would benefit me if they won the lottery, so it is only fair and just that I do the same for them. I estimate that’d be the £498,320.29 taken out in doing this.

£10m remaining.

2. Pay Myself (nearly) First

£6 million would go into some sort of not-immediately-accessible savings account. I don’t really have a huge understanding of how much interest such large sums would pay. Assuming I could get 4% somewhere that wasn’t on an investing basis it’d still provide an interest income of circa. £250,000 per annum off which my family and I would actively live.

This £6m capital would not be touched, as it would allow us to do all the things we want to do in life by living off a safe passive income without having to ‘work’ ever again except for work I find fun and rewarding (I’m getting to that…).

£4m remaining.

3. Open a Charitable Trust

I’d like to open a charitable trust affiliated to this blog and funded with £2 million that looks to help people in dire financial straights through no  or little fault of their own. The committee would convene once a month to examine requests for financial assistance and choose the most worthy submission, providing grants and loans where most needed.

It would also lobby the government for compulsory primary and secondary educational modules and qualifications in personal finance management and you can bet your last 5 pence, I’ll keep blogging because I love it.

£2m remaining.

4. Buy A Nice Family Home

I live in the South East of England, which sees some of the most expensive land and property prices anywhere in the country. I’d like to purchase a home that would be fitting for my family; that is secure; that has open space; and that is beautiful and accessible to local amenities. I estimate this can be had in the current climate for £1.5 million or so.

£500,000 remaining.

5. Buy My Dream Car(s)

These are all looking pretty standard, aren’t they. I’d like an Aston Martin for running around in, and a Rolls or a Bentley for longer journeys. I’m driving.

£100,000 remaining.

6. Go On Holiday

While it is true our £6m will be providing a healthy passive income, I want a dream holiday to celebrate immediately. That should take care of the last £100k.

Of course none of this is going to happen, because I don’t actually play the lottery. But a guy can dream, right? What would you do if you won the jackpot this week?

Every Monday I round up some of the funniest ‘money related’ news stories from around the world, and present them for your light entertainment pleasure to help you get through that Monday feeling.

Robber Has Change of Heart

MILWAUKEE - Milwaukee police say a bank robber had a change of heart and returned to the bank he had just held up — to return the money.

But police were already at the bank, investigating the robbery.

Deputy Chief Brian O’Keefe says the alleged robber returned to ask if he could give the money back. He banged on a window, and a teller tried to tell him the bank was closed. Then another employee recognized him as the man who had just held her up. The man had entered the bank earlier that afternoon and demanded money, implying he had a gun. O’Keefe says it’s the first time he remembers a bank robber who wanted to give back his loot, but that doesn’t mean he’ll get off without charges.

Counterfeit Conundrum

TOKYO – Japanese police have been scratching their heads in bewilderment over the country’s latest counterfeiting trend — fake bills that cost more to make than their face value.
Experts estimate that it cost 1,000 yen ($9.10) to make each of the more than 400 bogus 1,000 yen notes that have turned up in vending machines in Saitama Prefecture, north of Tokyo, suggesting profit was not the motive, the Asahi newspaper’s English-language edition reported Tuesday.

“Police suspect a techno-maniac is involved,” the Asahi said.

The fake bills are made by replacing the middle strip of genuine notes with a color photocopy, and securing them with tape. To the human eye they are obviously bogus, but they fool some older vending machines.

Expensive Parking

SOUTH AFRICA – A South African woman mistakenly plunked a 100-year-old gold coin worth more than $1,000 into a parking meter while shopping without her glasses, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.
“I can’t believe I could have done something like that,” said the woman, who asked not to be identified.

The woman said she also believed she had spent an 1890 sovereign, worth a small fortune, as small change, the Cape Argus newspaper said.

The woman inherited the gold coins from her mother, but they became mixed up with loose coins she kept in a container and were transferred to her purse by mistake.